What is this Life

What does it mean to define something and what does this have to do with self-definition?

We check in the dictionary to define something and see other words. Words that if their definitions are looked up, equate to more words which use others in their definitions. The basis of words contain a working but cyclic mind state where all "definitions" hold true so long as the language they are made of binds them to relative verity. They are only words and do not define the objects or concepts themselves.

A child points at an object and asks their parent, "What is this?" The parent answers back: "This is a clock." (Or insert your favorite object here). So the item is given a name. We mistakenly take that name as a definition of the item. We point, and that item is now item name.

Later that child grows older and to that item name adds the workings and functions and various characteristics of that object. It's definition is modified, enlarged, and so the child thinks, made more real by adding knowledge.

The item is not ever really defined. It is only given a name and given descriptions of its properties or workings. These added things do not get at the essence of the object. So it is with our self.

The child pointing at the item before it knows what to call it, knows it more closely to its real definition than after it labels and categorizes the item (mistaken definition). We are given knowledge of the world and ourselves through our senses and then we try to make sense of this information. This is already one step removed from that information/item/object/being itself.

Of course this making sense of the world is required of daily living and making our way in the world...but the child has knowledge we "forgot" as adults. How does this apply to our self, who we really are, self-definition?

Information we receive about the world through our senses is not the true definition of our self. It is like the words we give to things, separate, a step removed from the thing itself. (Ideas can be used interchangeably with things here).

As we begin to see that the things we attribute to ourselves or belonging to our self such as our stories and habits, likes and dislikes, and other things that are "ours," are not in themselves a working definition of "I," our being, it dawns on us that we do not really know who or what we are. The workings and functionings (psychology) is not the definition of our self.

Definition is knowing. Directly, not through words or concepts but through being/identity. And to get there we must know the knower. That consciousness (or awareness) that is the source of our being beyond the label of "I" and its workings, THAT is definition. So the masters say: You are THAT.

So the question becomes: How do I define myself? Who's defining? And what do I take myself to be? These are good questions to ask and may make the mind stop or contemplate without an easy answer. It's not an easy question but there are those who have found a way to answer it satisfactorily (to themselves at least). So with proper faith in our ability to accomplish this we meditate and contemplate, think and don't think on this (and if we're lucky, "in between think" as well) hoping for an answer to come all the while working through various practices or suggestions of our fellow seekers.

We are given various seemingly worthwhile advice from those who have traveled farther down the path than us.

Look first at what you are not...because there's supposed to be a lot of that.

Look until you see you're not that and keep going. This is a subtractive path with no end until it ends for real in Definition.

Look at the body. Is that what you are?

Look at your response to pleasant and painful, likes and dislikes. If those were not there what would you be?

Look at thoughts and moods. How do they affect you?

Look at awareness/consciousness can you see what that is clearly?

Definition again may change as we age. As prides and various egos fall away from traumas or simply time taking its toll upon us, we lose a previously cherished self-belief, a false definition and once again redefine ourselves. "Well I'm really not this at all (stop here) but I must be that now." If we are able to stop at the "stop here" point rather than immediately go on and assume a further or replacement self-definition, there is a possibility of questioning or looking in earnest at the identification mechanism itself (which is still at least step removed from identity itself being in the mental realm). Stop at that point and ask if I am not that, then what does that make me? Who am I? You must be clear on this. If not, then your definition, though it may be a relatively correct and 'working definition,' may be actually flawed and not ultimately true. A test: If you remove it, that definition, where does that leave you?

Where do we turn?

The search is often one of frustration and despair. Frustration and anger at not getting what we want (or getting it and finding out it isn't really a permanent solution or what we really wanted) and despair at working, working, working....for what? God? Some mysterious grace to come down and save us from our weariness?

The fact that we're searching indicates that there is something to search for, perhaps by negation only. Meaning we may not know what it is we really want out of life, but we can certainly know what we do not want and avoid 'lesser rewards' in search of the 'higher.'

So where do we turn? Intuition is imperfect and messages may be misinterpreted in any case. Logic is of no use when the mind tries to go beyond its limits. We can hope and pray all day and our prayers are answered...by silence. Teachers can be useful in showing us where not to look but they cannot do the looking for us.

And then there is the mysterious direction of 'look within.' This naturally leads to the question 'Where is within?'

We are again directed from the many spiritual teachings to look at within as being, life, what/who you ARE, ISness, Awareness and many other words which we all presume to know their true esoteric meanings of, but have yet to really settle the matter for our self once and for all.

It really is like that picture of the stop sign with no turns, no place left to go but stop and listen. When the mind is quiet answers come. And they may come more readily if we admit our ignorance and that we just don't know. Don't know why we were born, what life is, or where we're going after death. We may have stories we tell ourselves about these things but if we stop and listen these things fail to satisfy us in a deeper sense; we are not 'settled in our souls'.

And taking another's word for something (or words written down) also does not settle us in any great measure (except perhaps some peace for a little while until life stirs us back up to misery).

So where do you turn?

"Chance favors the prepared mind." I saw this quote in a book on martial arts (Warrior Mind by Dick Morgan) and it got me thinking. Luck improves with practice. It's the same kind of sentiment expressed in countless volumes of spiritual literature: do something!

When the mind becomes synchronous with it's activity, there is a certain kind of feeling which allows a 'flow' or a kind of 'hands off' moving into perfection. This happens to runners and everything is perfect and the act of running is like floating or flying through space (yet you are at the center, motionless). It happens in video games, you're clicking and moving your character around and somewhat surprised at what's going on, it was too good for what you could have done trying to think through it all. It can happen in the spiritual search as well. With countless spiritual practices, meditation, reading, prayer, fasting, watching awareness, to name a few, if you become adept at any one you can see a pattern in the mind and body as to what was once separate from it becomes no longer so distant, the object and the seeker fuse.

A certain amount of energy and effort is needed to peak at this 'high' point of practice and many seek out this state. But the nature of all states is to change and it is no different here. Practice even in the low states may actually lead to a high state. In fact, usually when there is great opposition, then is the time when progress is made and steps toward the goal are taken.

And this happens when we're caught off guard, not thinking about it. The practice is happening, forgotten is the method, but we're still acutely aware of what's going on. Take driving your car, for instance. You're not constantly thinking about checking mirrors, turning the wheel or if your foot is on the right pedal (or the left?). It just happens. Just like that. Yet this doesn't come without the effort that was put into learning how to drive. Doing something like driving enough and it will be automatic.

Yet the spiritual search is something different. Everything is already automatic, already and always. Yet we don't see that because that is not the natural pattern that we've lived with for so long. Our thinking and identification with doing presumes that what happened was because of us. In fact, it may be in spite of us or without regard to the one doing.

Enlightenment has been described (by Richard Rose and perhaps others) as 'becoming accident prone.' This is referring to enlightenment being like a lightening bolt and we practice to try to get hit by a seemingly random encounter with the infinite. Eddie Traversa in his blog termed practice as co-related but not a determinate of realization. Yet it all may increase one's odds of finding out something in the end. Something of Ultimate Value beyond the minds thinking and conceptualizing.

May we all be prepared.

11 Strategies for Waking Up and Other Notes from the Self Inquiry Group Oct 2009 "Enlightenment and Grace:
Removing Resistance to Destiny" Spiritual Intensive

Oct 9th-Oct 11th 2009 in Durant Nature Park - Raleigh, North Carolina

Bart Marshall - Removing Resistance to Self-Realization

3 Habits: Self Inquiry, Prayer, and Betweenness

Self Inquiry

Small 's' self inquiry is a rigorous examination of intention and beliefs of the personal identity. It is self honesty and observation of others.

Big 'S' Self inquiry is asking 'Who am I?' What was I before birth? After death? What is really going on? Asking these big questions is alot like prayer.

Prayer

Prayer is any communication to a higher power. Prayer can be angry prayer (cursing God is still an open line of communication to God).

Keep that line of communication open constantly. Admit we need help. That weakens the ego.

This begins with focused desire -- What do you really want?

The baseline prayer is to know Truth at all costs. Enlightenment costs everything.

Grace strikes when resistance is weak.

Betweenness

Betweenness is holding your head between caring and not caring.

11 Strategies

1. Focused intent - desire to work for what you really want. First step is to find out. Question the desire. We have too many things we want and they're in conflict with each other.

2. Absorb teachings - do research of ancient masters and contemporary teachers. Don't believe a word of it. Let it rattle around in there.

3. Find your fellows - come together with a common purpose and intent. Rose's law of the ladder. Work on 3 rungs: those above you pulling you up, those below you you're their teachers, and those on the rung you're on, associate with them and compare notes.

4. Stop thinking you know -- keeps the whole truth from coming through. We're convinced we're a separate person in the universe. Wipe the slate clean. Rose: "What do you know for sure?" Assume you know nothing. What can I verify with my first person experience? Be nit-picky about this.

5. Investigate Awareness - right here, right now, awareness is present. 'I am aware' is error.

6. Stalk no-thought - no-thought is an ally. Can't do this intentionally. It depends on practices and circumstances. Meditation may help. When it happens, welcome the occurrence of it. Yoga Sutras, The Sayings of Patanjali: "Unity obtains when activities of the mind cease."

7. Reverse vision - we project outwards so 180˚ reverse the projections. Douglas Harding style pointing at things, then point at what's pointing (in the direction of your face).

8. Assume authority - we seek teachers for direction but at some point we need to break and assume authority. Trust intuition and have faith.

9. Favor simplicity - complexity is not conductive to clear thinking.

10. Choose silence - can't hear if you're not listening. Bob Fergeson calls this the listening attention. Turn off the TV, radio, stare into space, ask yourself what you really want...and listen.

11. Befriend death - death is the great unknown. Self-realization may feel like death.

David Scoma - Q&A with David Scoma

Note: this talk is available in audio form on David's website: Click here to go there and listen.

David talked about his website: justperception.net and how it is his means of sharing his experience. Also discussed were some of the darker potentialities one may encounter on the path.

His advice: Check out your motivation and intent constantly. Am I doing this for a loved one, someone else or for my self?

He talked about John of the Cross "dark night of the soul" and Teresa of Avala "interior castle." His experience lasted one week (or two years or longer, he's a long time practitioner) and afterwards "there was no David left." He had a catholic background (and survived catholic school). His practice was devotional with daily mass + roasary.

He took the practices personally (stations of the cross meditations/prayers).

Dark night of the soul - you feel like you're you, but you're being burned away. Your only recourse is to surrender to that.

Practice is unsatisfying at the end. Why were you doing this in the first place?

Your dissatisfaction is your greatest grace.

The 2nd greatest grace is the ending of the dissatisfaction.

Be grateful for the first grace.

Prayer is allowing...you expand you don't contract. Usually it's 'who's gonna give me what I want' only pray 'let me not get in the way, let it unfold perfectly' (thy will be done, not mine). It's getting yourself out of the way. Even the small needs, the body needs etc. You're surprised they get answered perfectly. "I would define prayer as coming into alignment." "Whatever is in the way, let it get out of the way." You are getting in the way.

David would drum and that drumming practice would be useful for him. He talks about that in the porch mp3 on justperception.net.

Simplify - you're mind will try the same stuff even if it's a mansion or only a backpack. [No matter how full or simple your mind is it will still try deciding what to take when going away on a trip]. It's the same pattern. The real problem is the mind continually generating these things.

Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. You'll get used to it then it won't be so uncomfortable anymore.

"The connection I felt in the end is surrender."

Q. about desperate mind and trauma. what do you do to stop pushing? A. You stop going to the bully to stop getting beaten up. That's the whole problem you're not getting your way and you want your way. Solution: surrender, get into alignment.

Nautilus - is a term David Scoma uses. It is ignoring what you are. So Ignore what you are not until it kills you. Process of negation. Consciously ignoring everything you believe is true and real.

"The end is always going through your final fear, fear of death."

"Death is what makes life precious."

"When I say the senses are sensing themselves I'm being literal."

Best [general] advice to seekers: "Do your own homework." You're in this on your own -- not really but that doesn't mean you don't look for help. Others will help guide you and point and look for this but it's all on you.

If it's something you think you've conquered something [some aspect of yourself] you need to revisit it and be ruthlessly honest, don't fool yourself.

"Bored is underrated." "When something is apparent to do it gets done."

Bruce Rubin - Spirituality in life and film

The reason we're here, here in the world, is we want to know what's on the next page. We're compelled by stories.

Transcendence of our own stories through other peoples stories. Movies.

Nathan Spoon - Essence of Advaita

North Carolina state motto: Esse Quam Videri, Be, Rather Than Seem.

Sadhana: practice.

A yogi always has a clean place.

Coffee inhibits the flow of kundalini.

Raphael - Italian Advaita-vedanta teacher. Website.

Other Notes

The reason I'm doing all of these practices is because I somehow believe I will survive Enlightenment...and death. That's the whole point of doing practices which will strengthen me or add to me or make me a better person, because I think they will let me survive death.

Douglas Harding workshops - Headlessness see here.

Mike Conners presented his practice of Effortless Meditation.

Mike Casari read a couple poems to us including Three Books of the Absolute by Richard Rose.

More on Enlightenment and Grace Grace: Removing Resistance to Destiny Retreat

(links from other sources will be added here)

Audio of David Scoma's Talk. Enlightenment and Grace.

Notes from Bob Cergol. "Dear Soul Seeker" PDF.

Original Retreat page and speaker bios: http://www.selfinquiry.org/retreat2009.html

Discussion Forum at albigen.net (log in there first then go to this link): http://www.albigen.net/Forums/tabid/86/aff/44/aft/59/afv/topic/Default.aspx